Now what?

Here I sit, one week away from what I have been hoping is my last surgery.  It's not a significant surgery.  It's scheduled for 8:30 a.m. and I expect that I'll be home around lunch time.  It's a simple procedure that is mostly cosmetic, just a re-adjustment of my one implant, making the "normal" one match the abnormal radiated side.  The recovery is supposed to be on the painful side since the surgeon will be stitching the implant to my rib and there will be lots of pinching, pulling, and tugging as it heals. The surgeon and the second opinion I sought out  both suggested that I'll have to restrict movement, lifting over 8 lbs., and not engage in anything physical for two to four weeks, but both also said I might find it really uncomfortable for up to 8 weeks.

I've been resigned to this for a while now.  Although the "problem" isn't significant and truly is mostly aesthetic, I really do feel like a freak when my fake boobs can't even line up right.  So I'm going through with it.

Lately, though, I've been noticing that I'm losing range of motion in my left arm.  At first, I thought it was just me, just in my mind, just my perception.  I guess I began noticing it when I was in Zumba class and tried to "windmill" my arms backwards.  My right arm went back, my left rotated to the side, and I looked like a fool.  Now, looking like a fool in Zumba isn't too disturbing to me.  I'm rather used to it.  As soon as the music starts, I look like a fool.  ::shrug::  It's what I do best.  It's fun and I'm by no means alone looking like a fool in Zumba class.  But, for shizzle I'd like to be able to rotate my arm backwards.  It's hard to feel remotely graceful or strong when your arm makes maybe a 105 degree angle from the side of your body instead of closer to 180.  One side of me does backstroke.  One side does the elementary backstroke.  Unkind.

Now that my one exercise teacher has also noticed it, I no longer think it's in my head, which is making me paranoid.  On the bright side, at least I no longer have to feel like I'm incapable of doing a push up because I'm incapable of gaining strength.  It's because I'm incapable of doing a push up.  Because this left side isn't working right.  But will it ever?  Is it going to get worse?

I suppose I need to make an appointment with someone about this.  Surgeon?  Radiation Onco?  I don't have time to actually go to any appointments in the next week since I'm cramming in as many office hours and one-on-one opportunities as possible with my students before Spring Break.  Then, I'm not ruining Spring Break any more than recuperation will ruin it, plus Amy and I are going out of town for most of it.   Later this month, I have a check up with Dr. Mo, so I guess I'll start with her.  I imagine, knowing her, there won't be a good answer or an easy path.  On the bright side, her office is very good at making appointments for me, so at least I don't have to make all those calls myself. 

I wonder what other damage has been done?  So, now I worry whenever I'm out of breath, whenever I cough, whenever I am miserable doing cardio-work if my heart and lungs aren't damaged.    I've had a little cold, sometimes I feel "chesty."  Is that lung damage?  Heart disease?  When I'm exceptionally tired, I worry about heart failure.  I've taken a nap for the last two days.  What does that mean?  Am I just tired?  Or is it something more than that?  Do I even want to know?

I bet it's back on the medical appointment merry-go-round within the month.