This had better be worth it

$3,000, give or take, of pills.

Tonight I start taking Tykerb.  I've read it's better to take it at night for several reasons: (1) it can't be taken within an hour either way of eating; (2) one might sleep through the nausea; (3) it's easier to deal with diarrhea during sleeping hours than daytime hours.

I told the younger two boys over dinner tonight.  The Middle was already aware, being pretty active on Facebook and having been following along.  The Feral Third was shocked and expressed quite a bit of dismay, but was pretty quickly soothed when I explained it was pills and not infusions and I wouldn't be bald or as sick as I was before.  Yet it's after midnight and he's still awake, so who really knows what's going on in his head.  He's feral after all.  Supposedly, he's been asleep but just woke up realizing he had neither his pillow nor his blanket, whatever that means.  The child has more pillows than the rest of the family combined, and I'm pretty sure that he has a blanket or two plus a comforter in his room and isn't reliant upon the little fleece blanket he just took upstairs with him.  My speculation is that he's been awake, probably on his laptop or playing with his ipod.  There's a reason I refer to him as the Feral Third.

My nightly dose.  Looks benign enough.

So here I sit.  In my mind, it's still Sunday although it is 12:15 in the morning on Monday.  I said I'd start on Sunday or Monday.  Guess this is as close as it gets to that.

It seems like there should be some fan fare or something.  Maybe it will become old hat at some point.  One part of chemo that was kind of fun the first time around was waiting to see what sorts of side effects I would have.  Well, fun in a sort of intriguing way, not amusement park way.  There was some appeal to the concreteness of what I'd only read about, the dirty pocket change taste, the first tingles and pains of neuropathy, the crushing bone pain.  For the heavy duty chemo, though, no one escapes unscathed.  Everyone loses their hair, for instance.  Everyone experiences fatigue and nausea to one degree or another.  Not everyone experiences everything, but enough people do that I had the feeling that I wasn't going to get by unscathed.  With Tykerb, however, some side effects vary widely.  I'm taking it without the partner chemos, which are harsher.  So, will I or won't I get side effects?  Which ones?  How many?  When?  Tonight?  Tomorrow?  Two weeks from now?

Let's just assume I won't get any. 

I think I'll take an ambien, though, anyway so as to not dwell on this any more than I have to when I go to bed.

P.S.  So as to not fritter away my summer, I shall get up in the morning, hop on my bike, head to the Community Center to work out, and then I have an appointment with my G.P. to discuss this issue with my heel, a pain like tennis elbow in my "bad" arm, and a few other niggling things.  If I announce here that I am going to work out in the morning, I'm more likely to do it.  Feel free to hold me accountable.