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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Addendum to previous post about being concerned...

I fully imagine and assume that the depression part is made worse by the fact that I'm not exercising right now plus the anesthesia and all of it is compounded by my 6 month check up coming up, which is more stressful than I'd thought.  It will involve a month or two of other things like echo-cardiograms and MUGA scans, which for some reason I assume will show heart damage from treatment (herceptin, Adriamycin, radiation), lung damage (radiation), pancreatic damage, nerve damage, and for sure cognitive damages.  Why do I assume this?  I have no idea.  Until last week, I was feeling fine.  I have no reason to assume the worst.  I just do.  It's not normally the way I function.  Normally, I am a head-in-the-sand-ostrich even in the face of obvious evidence.

To top it all, I have three friends recently diagnosed with rare, frightening, aggressive cancers; one diagnosed with a run of the mill cancer and the first treatment about killed him; one actively dying or maybe dead by this time today; and one friend who died right before Christmas.  Four of these friends have children under 10.


Pancake Goddess said...

Assuming the worst is part of depression, which I would guess is almost entirely due to exercise withdrawal. You didn't just stop exercising, you went from a LOT to none, right? When can you resume?

Anonymous said...

I'm catching up on blogs...are you doing better two weeks later? I hope so. Just the friends' stories would be enough to put me in the same state. And surgery is tough, tough stuff.