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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Update to previous Addendum...

I'm doing better.  Still pretty blah, but overall better.  As far as the procedure goes, I have no more discomfort to speak of.  There's a tightness, almost like the feeling of a bra, but all in all, rarely do I have any real discomfort any more.

Psychologically, I'm doing better.  I realized when it was refill time, that I had more Lexapro left than I should, so I guess I kind of forgot to take some after surgery, and therefore crashed pretty hard in that second week. 

However, I'm also noticing some disturbing symptoms in my left arm, my radiated side.  It's a little swollen, but there's also a tingling and feeling of discomfort.  I've slacked off on wearing my compression sleeves since the surgery, and I'll start being more diligent about that this week, but I have noticed it in the past when I'm wearing my sleeve, too.  The swelling I can trace directly to smashing the back of my hand on the edge of a piece of furniture while playing Dance Central.  As the bruise has faded, the puffiness has gone down.

However, as much fun as I've had choosing sleeves, and as much as I didn't mind wearing them last year, I really don't like it now.  At this point, my hair has grown back.  If you didn't know me, you'd never know that I'm a "survivor."  And the sleeve is like a neon sign that says, "Hey, something's not quite right with this chick."   Not only does my body not feel like my body, not only does my mental state not feel like me, not only do people who know me look at me differently, but dagnabbit, strangers do too.  And it is a neon sign, like being obviously pregnant, that encourages people to just get into my business, like the elderly gentleman who approached me at the community center one day or the woman who hounds me there and thinks she's my best buddy because she, too, had cancer.  My sleeve was what prompted her to come up and talk to me, and now I can't get rid of her.

It's only recently that these things have bothered me.  I don't know why they do.  And I don't hold it against these people.  This is clearly MY issue, not their issue.  I just want to blend.  I want to be the wallflower I enjoy being.

I didn't get to see Dr. Mo for my appointment.  She had to reschedule.  I see her this coming week.  Then I imagine the rounds of medical tests will start.  Since I've met my co-insurance and deductibles for the year, I guess we might as well throw a few extras in there for good measure.  After all, they'll be free.

Thanks for everyone's concern.  I think getting back to work, having a reason to get out of the house, having some purpose for every day has been really good for me.  Who would have thought that teaching would keep me sane?  Generally, I feel it's the other way around....

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dawn, It's so good to hear from you! Glad you're getting better! Lisa