Mother's Day, 2011

I love my boys.  We are not a touchy-feely, sentimental bunch.  Not by a long shot.

OK, I'll admit that I have visions of sugar plums...erm...ideal days.  They rarely come to fruition.  It is what it is.

This morning started off with my 15 year old, awake silly early for some reason--maybe one of his friends was stopping by to pick something up?  I was asleep so I don't really know why he was up.  He just was.  However, being 15, he wasn't happy being awake, let alone being out of bed, and he ended up jumping into bed with me instead of making the journey alllll the way up the stairs to his own bed.  One of the joys of having my bedroom on the first floor (one of the ONLY reasons, I'm thinking these days). I'm not using the word "jumping" here metaphorically.  He JUMPED onto my bed, spouting "Happy Mother's Day!"  My guess is about an hour later he decided that the sun was sufficiently high in the sky and his brothers both being asleep meant that he could control the Xbox, so he wandered off, leaving me with a kiss and the thought that, truely, that could have been our last ever long snuggle together.

At some point, we all got up, showered, dressed and headed off for lunch with the mother-in-law, which was nice as usual.

On the way home, we saw a turtle in the road.  We turn around to go back and move it safely out of the way of traffic.  However, this being a semi-busy rural road without much turning room.  In the minutes it took us to find a place to turn around, wait for the oncoming traffic, and shudder because we were sure each car would squish the turtle, then turn back around because there was no room to pull off on the side of the road, wait for more traffic, the very lucky turtle had made it safely across the road and was into a field.  By this point, my adhd rife family was bored, me included, so we just went on our merry way (at one point, when I identified as a homeschooling mom, I'd have pushed through my own personal boredom and turned this into a forced learning experience....now, not so much).

The Feral Third thought we should all go to a movie, so the boyz treated me to a movie.  I"ll admit, I love super hero movies.  No real surprise.  The older two were well versed in mythology before they even started reading; I sort of did my own sort of Waldorfy education for a while with them, only instead of fairies and gnomes, we immersed ourselves in heros, mythology, and comics.  It only seemed fitting we'd go see Thor for Mother's Day.  The Eldest paid for the tickets with his hard earned money.  The Middle kept the peace.  We rode our bikes.  It was a good time.  Too bad the movie was mediocre.  We did have a good time discussing the mythology, especially the use of Loki, and reminiscing about the time we had spent years ago reading Norse mythology.  I agree with the Eldest who thought we were over analyzing the movie (it doesn't deserve the term "film").  We also, as a family, don't appreciate the 3-D effects and find that they tire our eyes.  The Middle wishes 3-D was used to make the film better, instead of being used to cover up weak films.  Still, it was a super hero movie, and we had a good time.

Chinese buffet for dinner.  Don't ask.  It always smells good, sounds like a good idea, and we always, always always regret it later.

And thus ends a fairly calm, normal day.  We were all together, which rarely happens any more.

I love my boys.

A Second Chance

My friend, Katie Granju, gets no second chances with her son, Henry.

However, for those of us who are still in this world and have children, friends, family, spouses, lovers, neighbors, and acquaintances in this world, her recent blog post is a must read. Do it now. Don't procrastinate.

We DO have second chances.

Independence Day 2010`

I suppose on some level, this entry should be about how on this July 4th I'm free of cancer and regaining my independence. But to be

honest, I haven't thought about that at all today. Instead, what I keep thinking about is what a wonderful community I live in.

It well and truly is the absolute best in the nation.

Hyperbole aside, I do live in a wonderful community. On the surface, it doesn't look like anything special. What makes it so wonderful is the people within it. This is very apparent over the July 4th holiday.

It's cool enough that the Boy Scouts go around town and put little American flags in the tree lawns, but also for the last few years, the holiday has started with a July 3rd Hog Roast at the home of Brenda and Roger. Every year, it gets larger and more people are involved. There's a core group of men who prepare the hog the night before, including splitting it down the center. This is usually accomplished with the "assistance" of quite a few young helpers, mostly boys, who find the idea of using a hatchet and hammer on a several hundred pound dead animal quite fascinating.

The following morning, many of the same men start the roasting. Later in the day, friends begin to gather, each family bringing a dish (or more than one) to share. At the height of food-heaven, there are at least three grills going, not counting the roasting pig flesh, and two large tables of food, ranging from veggies to hummus to salads to desserts. Kids of all ages play all sorts of "traditional" kid games....pick up games of kickball and football, soccer, kick the can, cops and robbers...and some games invented at previous hog roasts, including the ever popular one where two children each hold an exercise ball and run pell mell into each other. That game is always fun, until someone gets hurt and some parent puts the kabosh on it. The swing set is always swarming with the younger set, and there is always a kid or two, or three, or four or more on the side wall of the yard, which also happens to have the Preamble to the Constitution inscribed on it in sidewalk chalk for all to behold. I don't think I've ever seen a significant child squabble.

The adults mill around, tending grills and children, quaffing cold beverages of all sorts, including the adult sort, and doing what adults do best: talking. At some point, instruments are brought out.

What makes the whole thing incredibly representative of our wonderful community is that for that one night, we become a village. Children are tended to by multiple adults. Older children tend younger children. Adults flow seamlessly from group to group. Regardless of marital status, religious (or not) background, family size, race...about the only thing everyone has in common is a progressive political bent, but to varying degrees. Everyone pitches in to make sure that the magic works.

And work it does. Here are two examples: 2oo people, at least 1/3 or more children, and only one bathroom. But that's never an issue. Magic or miracle, you decide.

Example two: At this year's Hog Roast, the teens in my family (my own two plus the two cousins) were ready to go home; I was tired; my husband was willing to leave; the two 10 year olds were NOT ready to leave. Nope, no way, not at all. It was just fully dark and the kids had been looking forward ALL DAY to playing cops and robbers in the dark. ALL DAY, mom, ALL DAY, and you want us to leave NOW, JUST WHEN IT IS DARK, THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

A friend who also had two children who were going to play cops and robbers in the dark stepped right up and offered to bring the two 10 year olds home when she left with her family. Magic.

As if that weren't enough, the very next day, July 4th rolls around.

Many of us wander back over to the Hog Roast for pulled pork left overs. In years past, we've spent the afternoon of the 4th at Brenda and Roger's, hanging out with friends, eating left overs, people showing up throughout the afternoon and evening with side dishes, kids continuing to romp. This year, however, with the cousins (and my husband's sister, their mother) in town, my family hung out at home. Grandma and the Uncle came over. The kids slept most of the morning and then chilled for most of the afternoon, playing ladder ball, football, and soccer in the yard, eating popcicles, and hanging out. The adults chatted on the patio until it got too hot and humid and we moved indoors. Normal stuff.

As darkness approached, most of us headed over for the fireworks.

I think Bowling Green has the most spectacular fireworks in the world. I'm sure there are better shows, but few places offer such a wonderful atmosphere. For at least 13 years, we've sat in the same spot, on the same hill, with the same people. The kids have simply grown up doing this. It's expected. It's tradition. We don't see some of these people at any other time of the year. Just on the hill beside the Rec Center at the fireworks. Of course there are many other places to view the fireworks, and I'm pretty sure most people go to their own favorite spot each year. I love to be on the hill, though. Kids play frisbee and catch at the base. Little kids roll down the hill. As it gets darker and darker, more and more people gather, most sitting in family pods on blankets. Kids running around, visiting with friends, making new parents anxious, then BAM! The first firework goes off and everyone scurries back to their spots to settle in and enjoy the show.

This year, a local church's bells also played patriotic music during the first and last parts of the show. Nifty.

This was a special year because, like so many communities, including several around us, Bowling Green didn't have the funds to provide a fireworks display; however, we didn't let that stop us. As a community, we pulled together and said, "This will not do." There were jars in nearly every store for donations of change. Churches worked to raise funds. There was a Facebook campaign. Local businesses donated money. Individuals donated money. We needed $16, 000 and we raised $16, 195.49. On top of that, Bowling Green also won a $10,000 grant from Liberty Mutual to help fund the fireworks.

Because that's how we roll. We are awesome. Our community rocks.

As for my family, we walked home after the fireworks, and some friends came over for ice cream. Sixteen kids and six adults. Believe it or not, there were left overs.

Now, at nearly 2:00 a.m. there are three kids settling into the family room, one asleep on the living room floor, and three man-size teens upstairs ready to sleep. In theory, those three were supposed to be sleeping in a tent in the yard, but it's too hot.

So, while the focus of July 4th is on "independence," in truth, for me at least, the observance of this holiday is about inter-dependence. None of this great weekend could take place if we were independent from one another. It's our connection, our interdependence, that makes this all work. We have to become dependent upon each other to make life work smoothly.

To be dependent, we must be able to trust that others will do their work and they must be able to trust that we will do ours. We must be able to trust that others will look out for our best interests and we must look out for theirs. We have to be able to believe that the roles we all play are necessary and equally important.

Beyond the history, beyond the "My country 'tis of thee," beyond the obvious "begone, ye British overlords" what July 4th means to me is interdependence day...a day to express the connections and ties within this wonderful community.

Oh, yes, and I completed my second 5K race, too.

Getting My Girl On, part I

99.9% of the time, I'm not only satisfied to be raising all boys but also very appreciative to be raising all boys. I never "got" the girl thing when I was a girl, and it wasn't until I was fully an adult before I even really enjoyed being much in the company of other females, other than a few, select friends, most of whom were not very girly. I had a really girly-girl friend in junior high for awhile, and I mightily tried to live up to her standards of girldom. In high school, off the top of my head, I can't think of too many girl-girl friends with whom I was close....one or two, but not many.

My mother wasn't overly girly.

I would try. And after a few weeks of getting up early to blow dry, apply a curling iron, don the make up, and coordinate the outfit, but eventually, sooner rather than later, I'd be minimizing all the hair work and make up and wearing tshirts and jeans if given the chance.

Not a lot has changed over the years, except that I focus even less on fashion and style.

I spent many an enjoyable afternoon when younger cruising the mall, but I can't say that shopping has been an important part of my life for the past 25 or so years. I go on search and destroy missions: I need X. I go in search of X. I rarely get Y or Z. I rarely just head out to shop for the sake of shopping and without certain items in mind.

My boyz, while clearly having ideas about what clothes are worthy of wearing and which are not, aren't overly interested in fashion. If the shirt has AE on it, they'll wear it. One wears plaid shorts; one won't. One wears long sleeves; one won't. They rarely shop for the sake of shopping.

Two buzz their own hair or have me buzz it. And when I say "buzz," I mean "buzz." One puts no attachment on the electric clippers, taking his hair as close to the scalp as possible. One gets his hair cut a few times a year and isn't too picky about style. He knows what he doesn't want more than what he wants.

Yet, we can be all over noise, movement, experiments, craziness. As one friend said in passing tonight, as I commented on the coolness factor of someone else's boy chomping on a "Pop-It" and having it explode in his mouth, "You are suited for having all these boys" (or something to that effect). Yep, I am. I'm thriving on it. I'm good with it.

I always feared having a girly-girl daughter. What if I just didn't get her? What if she wanted to do things that I have no desire to do? What if she wanted me to teach her about make up? What if she acted like I acted as a young woman? In general, I'm lazy, and girls just seem like so much work to me.

But I digress. In sum, in general, while I wouldn't have sold a girl child to the gypsies and would have loved her from the soles of my feet to the top of my hair, I don't regret not raising any girls. I'm quite content.

That said, I've enjoyed having girls come through my life, more so now that the girls are older. Actually, I enjoy the boys a lot more now that they are older, too. There's nothing like real conversation to make me appreciate a person, male or female.

I rather like it when the boys' female friends come over. I really enjoyed having a girl along on our recent Tennessee camping trip. She provided a slight change in energy from what I am used to. I enjoyed talking about things she and I share an interest in, books that we've both read--books that wouldn't have appealed to my boys at all.

And the first week of July, my niece, Sophie, will be here. For the past few years, she and I have taken part of a day and I've gotten my girl on. We shop; we go to lunch; we watch a chick flick. One time, we did our nails. When my other niece, now in her 30s, was young, I took her out to buy makeup. It's really nice to spend quality time with young women, especially now that I'm old enough for my wackiness to be forgiven (I hope).

It's fun to get my girl on like that. I wish Sophie lived closer, so I could do it more often. I wish that the one girl who's somewhat of a regular at the house weren't so busy these days. We'd planned to have a girl-night at one point, but her job and my family got in the way.

Hmmmm....what should I plan to do with Sophie this summer?

Thought for the day (6/23/10)

My wonderful nephew, Henry, and my niece, Sophie, had birthdays this week. Yes, they share a birthday, but aren't twins. We just have a thing in this family for having kids share birthdays (Tynan shares one with his stillborn sister; I had to convince the doctors to postpone Nathan's induction so he wouldn't share one with his stillborn brother; Nathan, Aidan, and Tynan all share birthdays with either close friends or children of close friends....Tynan and Brendan--for those of you on fb, Brendan is also known as my favorite son--Aidan and Layan Elwazani, Nathan and Mary Scherer).

Henry turned 15. Sophie turned 13. They are wonderful kids. They will be here to visit soon, and I'm already planning to get my girl on with Sophie.

Because my brother and I are adopted, I've never really been attuned to family resemblance in my life. However, watching the cousins and seeing all the similarities, both physically and emotionally, has been a wonderful gift. Interests, likes, dislikes, temperaments, physical features...all intertwined with quite different upbringings and environments.....so COOL to watch.

In honor of Sophie becoming an official teen and Henry moving into the full teen experience, I've lifted this quote from the Dalai Lama as a gift to them. If all of us, especially adults, were to keep this in mind and act upon it, the world would be a better place for everyone, and we'd be setting a good example for those younger people watching us:


If we develop concern for other people's welfare, share other people's suffering, and help them, ultimately we will benefit. If we think only of ourselves and forget about others, ultimately we will lose. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense of well-being becomes.


Happy Birthday, Henry and Sophie! I can't wait to see you next week!!!