Showing posts with label reconstruction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reconstruction. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Bionic Boobs
Yesterday I had a third surgery on my boobs. A year ago December, I had a double mastectomy, which was clearly the most traumatic physically and emotionally. At that time, my plastic surgeon, Dr. W, started phase one of my reconstruction, which involved placing tissue expanders behind my chest muscles. Over a period of weeks, those were injected with saline solution and expanded to keep the skin that remained after my mastectomy from contracting, making reconstruction more difficult later.
I loved my expanders. Most people hate them. I loved them.
In considering reconstruction, I kicked around the idea of autonomous replacement (tram flap surgery) where the surgeon uses abdominal fat and muscle and a tunnel to recreate a breast or two. However, it's a highly invasive procedure that involves several days in the hospital, many hours under general anesthesia (and I have issues with that), and there's still no guarantee that the flap will take (I know one person whose flap died). Other women with flap reconstructions have abdominal issues. There's one in my exercise class who can't do many abdominal exercises because of her missing abdominal muscles. To make a long story short, I opted to NOT do flap surgery. Maybe some day, when my kids are older, when the procedure has been perfected more, when it doesn't involve removing abdominal muscle. But for now, I'm happy with my decision to have the relatively simply reconstruction of saline implants.
You know, super model boobs. Only, mine aren't super model size.
Women get breast implants all the time. It's a pretty basic, easily accomplished procedure. However, when done strictly for cosmetic reasons, there is still surrounding breast tissue and the implants supplement what is already there. With reconstruction after mastectomy, there is no breast tissue and the implants are placed under the chest wall. Placing them there serves two purposes. Most importantly, in placing the implant under the chest wall, it's easier to detect any new tumors in the breast area...there is always some small amount of tissue left. Of secondary importance is that since there isn't breast fat and tissue left, if implants were placed on top of the chest muscle, it would look like balloons under skin.
So, I have my two moderately sized implants under my pectoral muscle, and I can flex them like a body builder.
One advantage for me in having had a mastectomy before my implants were planted is that I have very few nerve endings in my chest area. So, there was very little discomfort. The biggest discomfort was in restricting my movement. If I took my pain meds on schedule, I had very little discomfort.
And then one day I noticed that my right breast was significantly lower then my left breast. I'd read about implants slipping. I'd feared it. I was certain that is what had happened. However, after revisiting Dr. W, she determined that my right side had done what it should have done, settled into a more natural position. The left side, however, was brutalized by 6 weeks of radiation last spring. Radiation is nasty stuff. It changes the skin and muscle. What that means for me is that I've lost some flexibility on that side. My skin and muscles, especially the muscles, are tighter. That's also the side I had lymph nodes removed, which damaged other muscles. Therefore, the right side implant didn't settle. There are other negative and permanent side effects of radiation therapy, most notably heart and lung damage, but no one can really see that.
So, while most women, especially after having babies (which I did 5 times) have asymmetrical breasts, because of a lack of breast tissue and being placed under my muscle, my asymmetrical breasts looked really odd. They looked like a very unskillful job of bra stuffing.
To fix it, not much can be done to the left side. Radiation has done its damage. So Dr. W suggested raising the right breast. This, however, involved stitching the implant to my rib, or rather the living tissue, the periosteum, that surrounds the rib. And that is what she did to me yesterday. She also removed some extra skin on both breasts.
I still don't have many nerve endings, and I'm rather glad I don't, because this is painful. I don't remember why I felt like I'd been kicked in the sternum after my mastectomy, but I did. This evening, I feel like a donkey kicked me in the rib. Even with a maximum dosage of Percocet, whenever I move my right arm in a reaching motion, I feel a stabbing yet bruising sensation in my rib.
But my boobs are even.
Now to decide what to do. Percs make me itch. Not taking them makes me hurt. I can take them with benedryl to cut down on the itching, and that combo knocks me out. But I don't like the way that makes me feel.
In my next life, I won't have any reconstruction done. It's not worth it, I don't think.
I loved my expanders. Most people hate them. I loved them.
In considering reconstruction, I kicked around the idea of autonomous replacement (tram flap surgery) where the surgeon uses abdominal fat and muscle and a tunnel to recreate a breast or two. However, it's a highly invasive procedure that involves several days in the hospital, many hours under general anesthesia (and I have issues with that), and there's still no guarantee that the flap will take (I know one person whose flap died). Other women with flap reconstructions have abdominal issues. There's one in my exercise class who can't do many abdominal exercises because of her missing abdominal muscles. To make a long story short, I opted to NOT do flap surgery. Maybe some day, when my kids are older, when the procedure has been perfected more, when it doesn't involve removing abdominal muscle. But for now, I'm happy with my decision to have the relatively simply reconstruction of saline implants.
You know, super model boobs. Only, mine aren't super model size.
Women get breast implants all the time. It's a pretty basic, easily accomplished procedure. However, when done strictly for cosmetic reasons, there is still surrounding breast tissue and the implants supplement what is already there. With reconstruction after mastectomy, there is no breast tissue and the implants are placed under the chest wall. Placing them there serves two purposes. Most importantly, in placing the implant under the chest wall, it's easier to detect any new tumors in the breast area...there is always some small amount of tissue left. Of secondary importance is that since there isn't breast fat and tissue left, if implants were placed on top of the chest muscle, it would look like balloons under skin.
So, I have my two moderately sized implants under my pectoral muscle, and I can flex them like a body builder.
One advantage for me in having had a mastectomy before my implants were planted is that I have very few nerve endings in my chest area. So, there was very little discomfort. The biggest discomfort was in restricting my movement. If I took my pain meds on schedule, I had very little discomfort.
And then one day I noticed that my right breast was significantly lower then my left breast. I'd read about implants slipping. I'd feared it. I was certain that is what had happened. However, after revisiting Dr. W, she determined that my right side had done what it should have done, settled into a more natural position. The left side, however, was brutalized by 6 weeks of radiation last spring. Radiation is nasty stuff. It changes the skin and muscle. What that means for me is that I've lost some flexibility on that side. My skin and muscles, especially the muscles, are tighter. That's also the side I had lymph nodes removed, which damaged other muscles. Therefore, the right side implant didn't settle. There are other negative and permanent side effects of radiation therapy, most notably heart and lung damage, but no one can really see that.
So, while most women, especially after having babies (which I did 5 times) have asymmetrical breasts, because of a lack of breast tissue and being placed under my muscle, my asymmetrical breasts looked really odd. They looked like a very unskillful job of bra stuffing.
To fix it, not much can be done to the left side. Radiation has done its damage. So Dr. W suggested raising the right breast. This, however, involved stitching the implant to my rib, or rather the living tissue, the periosteum, that surrounds the rib. And that is what she did to me yesterday. She also removed some extra skin on both breasts.
I still don't have many nerve endings, and I'm rather glad I don't, because this is painful. I don't remember why I felt like I'd been kicked in the sternum after my mastectomy, but I did. This evening, I feel like a donkey kicked me in the rib. Even with a maximum dosage of Percocet, whenever I move my right arm in a reaching motion, I feel a stabbing yet bruising sensation in my rib.
But my boobs are even.
Now to decide what to do. Percs make me itch. Not taking them makes me hurt. I can take them with benedryl to cut down on the itching, and that combo knocks me out. But I don't like the way that makes me feel.
In my next life, I won't have any reconstruction done. It's not worth it, I don't think.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Now what?
Here I sit, one week away from what I have been hoping is my last surgery. It's not a significant surgery. It's scheduled for 8:30 a.m. and I expect that I'll be home around lunch time. It's a simple procedure that is mostly cosmetic, just a re-adjustment of my one implant, making the "normal" one match the abnormal radiated side. The recovery is supposed to be on the painful side since the surgeon will be stitching the implant to my rib and there will be lots of pinching, pulling, and tugging as it heals. The surgeon and the second opinion I sought out both suggested that I'll have to restrict movement, lifting over 8 lbs., and not engage in anything physical for two to four weeks, but both also said I might find it really uncomfortable for up to 8 weeks.
I've been resigned to this for a while now. Although the "problem" isn't significant and truly is mostly aesthetic, I really do feel like a freak when my fake boobs can't even line up right. So I'm going through with it.
Lately, though, I've been noticing that I'm losing range of motion in my left arm. At first, I thought it was just me, just in my mind, just my perception. I guess I began noticing it when I was in Zumba class and tried to "windmill" my arms backwards. My right arm went back, my left rotated to the side, and I looked like a fool. Now, looking like a fool in Zumba isn't too disturbing to me. I'm rather used to it. As soon as the music starts, I look like a fool. ::shrug:: It's what I do best. It's fun and I'm by no means alone looking like a fool in Zumba class. But, for shizzle I'd like to be able to rotate my arm backwards. It's hard to feel remotely graceful or strong when your arm makes maybe a 105 degree angle from the side of your body instead of closer to 180. One side of me does backstroke. One side does the elementary backstroke. Unkind.
Now that my one exercise teacher has also noticed it, I no longer think it's in my head, which is making me paranoid. On the bright side, at least I no longer have to feel like I'm incapable of doing a push up because I'm incapable of gaining strength. It's because I'm incapable of doing a push up. Because this left side isn't working right. But will it ever? Is it going to get worse?
I suppose I need to make an appointment with someone about this. Surgeon? Radiation Onco? I don't have time to actually go to any appointments in the next week since I'm cramming in as many office hours and one-on-one opportunities as possible with my students before Spring Break. Then, I'm not ruining Spring Break any more than recuperation will ruin it, plus Amy and I are going out of town for most of it. Later this month, I have a check up with Dr. Mo, so I guess I'll start with her. I imagine, knowing her, there won't be a good answer or an easy path. On the bright side, her office is very good at making appointments for me, so at least I don't have to make all those calls myself.
I wonder what other damage has been done? So, now I worry whenever I'm out of breath, whenever I cough, whenever I am miserable doing cardio-work if my heart and lungs aren't damaged. I've had a little cold, sometimes I feel "chesty." Is that lung damage? Heart disease? When I'm exceptionally tired, I worry about heart failure. I've taken a nap for the last two days. What does that mean? Am I just tired? Or is it something more than that? Do I even want to know?
I bet it's back on the medical appointment merry-go-round within the month.
I've been resigned to this for a while now. Although the "problem" isn't significant and truly is mostly aesthetic, I really do feel like a freak when my fake boobs can't even line up right. So I'm going through with it.
Lately, though, I've been noticing that I'm losing range of motion in my left arm. At first, I thought it was just me, just in my mind, just my perception. I guess I began noticing it when I was in Zumba class and tried to "windmill" my arms backwards. My right arm went back, my left rotated to the side, and I looked like a fool. Now, looking like a fool in Zumba isn't too disturbing to me. I'm rather used to it. As soon as the music starts, I look like a fool. ::shrug:: It's what I do best. It's fun and I'm by no means alone looking like a fool in Zumba class. But, for shizzle I'd like to be able to rotate my arm backwards. It's hard to feel remotely graceful or strong when your arm makes maybe a 105 degree angle from the side of your body instead of closer to 180. One side of me does backstroke. One side does the elementary backstroke. Unkind.
Now that my one exercise teacher has also noticed it, I no longer think it's in my head, which is making me paranoid. On the bright side, at least I no longer have to feel like I'm incapable of doing a push up because I'm incapable of gaining strength. It's because I'm incapable of doing a push up. Because this left side isn't working right. But will it ever? Is it going to get worse?
I suppose I need to make an appointment with someone about this. Surgeon? Radiation Onco? I don't have time to actually go to any appointments in the next week since I'm cramming in as many office hours and one-on-one opportunities as possible with my students before Spring Break. Then, I'm not ruining Spring Break any more than recuperation will ruin it, plus Amy and I are going out of town for most of it. Later this month, I have a check up with Dr. Mo, so I guess I'll start with her. I imagine, knowing her, there won't be a good answer or an easy path. On the bright side, her office is very good at making appointments for me, so at least I don't have to make all those calls myself.
I wonder what other damage has been done? So, now I worry whenever I'm out of breath, whenever I cough, whenever I am miserable doing cardio-work if my heart and lungs aren't damaged. I've had a little cold, sometimes I feel "chesty." Is that lung damage? Heart disease? When I'm exceptionally tired, I worry about heart failure. I've taken a nap for the last two days. What does that mean? Am I just tired? Or is it something more than that? Do I even want to know?
I bet it's back on the medical appointment merry-go-round within the month.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
It never leaves
My good friend, Heather, herself a cancer endurer, posted this to Facebook yesterday:
If anything, I have a history of under-reacting to health issues. Yes, I am that mother. The one who made her son play soccer for several weeks with a broken ankle before I finally admitted that maybe, just maybe, he really was hurt. I'm also that mother whose kid had pneumonia, more than once, and I didn't really think he was all that sick. Earlier this fall, I broke my hand and it took me a week to even think I should have it looked at. Um, that was in September, and here we are, coming up to Christmas and I'm still dealing with the fall out from that injury.
Yet, today, less than three weeks after having my reconstruction surgery, I have a minor ache. I can't even call it a pain. It's just an ache in the area of one of my ribs, right in line with one of my incisions.
Logically, I've just done too much today. It's hard not to, since I have no real nerve endings with which to feel pain in the area of my surgery. When I had my c-section 18 years ago, I wasn't to pick up anything that weighed more than eight pounds other than my baby. And when I did, I felt it. I felt an uncomfortable tugging in my incision. After my mastectomy, I wasn't supposed to life anything heavier than a can of pop (my surgeon's words), and for weeks, I felt it if I did too much. There was that uncomfortable tugging, sometimes painful, but a reminder nonetheless.
However, with this surgery, there really hasn't been much pain. My skin is pretty numb from having nerves cut and removed with tissue during the mastectomy. I can hold an ice cube, for instance, one my chest and not feel the cold. So, when I over do it, I don't feel my incisions. I have one tiny area, maybe about 1/8 of an inch long at the very end of one incision that seems to have some nerve endings. The other day, I thought maybe I'd hurt myself or it was infected or something, until I realized that my incision should feel a little tender when I rub it with my finger.
I'm still sleeping on the couch to prevent myself from sleeping on my stomach. I don't know why. It just seems like I probably shouldn't do that.
I have this irrational--or not--fear that I'll do something...rip my internal stitches I guess, and my implants will migrate to someplace I'd rather not have them, like my abdominal cavity. The internet is not always a good thing, you know? I read about something similar...an implant falling...here. Of course, now I'm convinced that something similar will happen to me if I sleep on my side or my stomach or lift too much or or or or or...
Technically, I'm in the middle of my recovery period, and I have this ache. It's a tiny ache. I'm guessing it's from the bra I'm wearing today. Or that I lifted, pulled, pushed or otherwise over extended myself today or yesterday. I've been dealing with student portfolios, and no matter how much I try, I'm sure I'm lifting too much, even though I dragged my one son out of bed to help me get them to school the other day and had students carry them around campus for me. I cooked today for the first time since surgery. In an effort to spread out the work for some cooking projects I need to have done by Friday, I thought I'd break it up over the course of a few days, but I did get a little carried away today.
So, there is ample reason for a little ache. Here's how little the ache is. I don't feel it at all this instant. My injured hand hurts more while I type.
So, why am I convinced I have bone cancer?
Yeh, right, because the whole cancer thing never leaves, even if the cancer itself does.
Not too long ago, I did a 13 mile run. I had a weird pain in the front of my one ankle after that. I still feel it, but it's not a big deal. And then there's my broken hand. And now this rib thing. This past spring, when I first started running, my hip hurt. I've been x-rayed, probed, palpated...I'm nearly 50 years old. I've spent the last decade or more mostly sitting on my butt doing nothing very active. My body was assaulted with chemo and radiation. And there is no reason to expect that I won't have some aches and pains. The break in my hand wasn't even serious...just a small fracture. My entire weight fell on it. If something were seriously wrong, the break would have been worse (Yes, I've asked every doctor I've seen).
Yet, I'm convinced that I have bone cancer.
I could get a bone scan. But somehow the idea of radioactive stuff injected into my body, especially after all the radiation I've already received this year, freaks me out even more.
Have I mentioned that I freak out about leukemia, too? Yeh, every bruise makes me think I have leukemia.
And then there are the dreams about radiation poisoning...dreams where my hair and teeth fall out.
Yeh, it never leaves even when it is gone.
Stupid Cancer.
Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life.Truer words were never written. At least nothing else resonates with more truth to me right now.
If anything, I have a history of under-reacting to health issues. Yes, I am that mother. The one who made her son play soccer for several weeks with a broken ankle before I finally admitted that maybe, just maybe, he really was hurt. I'm also that mother whose kid had pneumonia, more than once, and I didn't really think he was all that sick. Earlier this fall, I broke my hand and it took me a week to even think I should have it looked at. Um, that was in September, and here we are, coming up to Christmas and I'm still dealing with the fall out from that injury.
Yet, today, less than three weeks after having my reconstruction surgery, I have a minor ache. I can't even call it a pain. It's just an ache in the area of one of my ribs, right in line with one of my incisions.
Logically, I've just done too much today. It's hard not to, since I have no real nerve endings with which to feel pain in the area of my surgery. When I had my c-section 18 years ago, I wasn't to pick up anything that weighed more than eight pounds other than my baby. And when I did, I felt it. I felt an uncomfortable tugging in my incision. After my mastectomy, I wasn't supposed to life anything heavier than a can of pop (my surgeon's words), and for weeks, I felt it if I did too much. There was that uncomfortable tugging, sometimes painful, but a reminder nonetheless.
However, with this surgery, there really hasn't been much pain. My skin is pretty numb from having nerves cut and removed with tissue during the mastectomy. I can hold an ice cube, for instance, one my chest and not feel the cold. So, when I over do it, I don't feel my incisions. I have one tiny area, maybe about 1/8 of an inch long at the very end of one incision that seems to have some nerve endings. The other day, I thought maybe I'd hurt myself or it was infected or something, until I realized that my incision should feel a little tender when I rub it with my finger.
I'm still sleeping on the couch to prevent myself from sleeping on my stomach. I don't know why. It just seems like I probably shouldn't do that.
I have this irrational--or not--fear that I'll do something...rip my internal stitches I guess, and my implants will migrate to someplace I'd rather not have them, like my abdominal cavity. The internet is not always a good thing, you know? I read about something similar...an implant falling...here. Of course, now I'm convinced that something similar will happen to me if I sleep on my side or my stomach or lift too much or or or or or...
Technically, I'm in the middle of my recovery period, and I have this ache. It's a tiny ache. I'm guessing it's from the bra I'm wearing today. Or that I lifted, pulled, pushed or otherwise over extended myself today or yesterday. I've been dealing with student portfolios, and no matter how much I try, I'm sure I'm lifting too much, even though I dragged my one son out of bed to help me get them to school the other day and had students carry them around campus for me. I cooked today for the first time since surgery. In an effort to spread out the work for some cooking projects I need to have done by Friday, I thought I'd break it up over the course of a few days, but I did get a little carried away today.
So, there is ample reason for a little ache. Here's how little the ache is. I don't feel it at all this instant. My injured hand hurts more while I type.
So, why am I convinced I have bone cancer?
Yeh, right, because the whole cancer thing never leaves, even if the cancer itself does.
Not too long ago, I did a 13 mile run. I had a weird pain in the front of my one ankle after that. I still feel it, but it's not a big deal. And then there's my broken hand. And now this rib thing. This past spring, when I first started running, my hip hurt. I've been x-rayed, probed, palpated...I'm nearly 50 years old. I've spent the last decade or more mostly sitting on my butt doing nothing very active. My body was assaulted with chemo and radiation. And there is no reason to expect that I won't have some aches and pains. The break in my hand wasn't even serious...just a small fracture. My entire weight fell on it. If something were seriously wrong, the break would have been worse (Yes, I've asked every doctor I've seen).
Yet, I'm convinced that I have bone cancer.
I could get a bone scan. But somehow the idea of radioactive stuff injected into my body, especially after all the radiation I've already received this year, freaks me out even more.
Have I mentioned that I freak out about leukemia, too? Yeh, every bruise makes me think I have leukemia.
And then there are the dreams about radiation poisoning...dreams where my hair and teeth fall out.
Yeh, it never leaves even when it is gone.
Stupid Cancer.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
update June 22, 2010
I posted this as a status update on facebook, so for those of you here who aren't there, here ya go:)
I have more to say on this and owe a more complete update, but must go to bed. I promise to be more forthcoming in the near future.
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good check up with radiation onco today. Dr. F was as pleased with my current health....low bp, low heart rate, clear lungs, good cardiac echo, skin and tissue not showing any issues or contractions and showing lots of flexibility. He says he anticipates that reconstruction surgery will go well and there will be goood... results. He anticipates the fatigue will recede over the next 6-12 months.
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I have more to say on this and owe a more complete update, but must go to bed. I promise to be more forthcoming in the near future.
---------------
good check up with radiation onco today. Dr. F was as pleased with my current health....low bp, low heart rate, clear lungs, good cardiac echo, skin and tissue not showing any issues or contractions and showing lots of flexibility. He says he anticipates that reconstruction surgery will go well and there will be goood... results. He anticipates the fatigue will recede over the next 6-12 months.
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