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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My new do

Since I haven't had chemo for 11 weeks, my hair follicles are awakening. Actually, my hair is about 1/2 as long as it should be because I shaved my head the night before surgery. Why you might wonder? Because when it gets to a certain length, it itches and my hats don't stay on well.


However, while my hair "grew" the entire time I did my last chemo trip, only about every 8th follicle cooperated (or, since I'd prefer to be cue-ball bald over weirdly early-pubescent boy chin sort of bald--didn't cooperate), I always had some sort of fuzz going on, that I'd shave every few weeks.


Now, however, all the follicles are now on the same page, just in time to go bye-bye sometime after Friday.


To have some fun and push the dread of 8 more weeks of chemo aside, Amy and I dyed what little hair I have purple-pink. To get the color to take, first we had to bleach my hair, which in itself was a fun look. Here's the final outcome.

Patch pt. 2

:)

Got a voucher for this round, so it will be free.

Onco nurse is talking to drug rep about getting samples for the rest.

That's a relief.

Thanks to all who showed concern. I feel the love.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

that patch...

My insurance does pay for it. However, my portion would be $125, which as the pharmacist so kindly pointed out is less than half the cost. That's just not feasible. I'm working on a work-around.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The next step

I had an appointment with Dr. Mo today. I love spending time with her. I just wish it were under different circumstances.

::sigh::

I feel fully recovered from surgery, except for a lagging energy level. Yes, I slept (mostly) until noon today and didn't "get up" until 1:45. But otherwise, I feel fine:)

Although I knew this was coming, it was still disheartening to hear about the next four rounds of chemo I have to do. Dr. Mo was all "hey, it's only 4 rounds!!!" and I was all "Hey, you aren't doing them and never have, so bite me!!!!"

I've opted to do "dose intensive" chemo, which wasn't an option last time. Dr. Mo is letting me do this because I'm not working this semester and I'm "strong" and "determined." Dose intensive chemo is just "the same dosage more frequently." Instead of getting infusions every three weeks, I'll get them every other week. The downside is I'll never have those "good days" that people get in the third week. The upside is, it'll all be over a month earlier this way. By the time the weather is warming up, I'll no longer feel like shit. I hate the month of February anyway.

From what I've been told and what I read today, this chemo cocktail will be more challenging than the last one. Everyone keeps talking about nausea. I hate nausea. I'm sure no one likes it, but I really hate it. I had very minimal nausea the last time. I walked out of the office today with a huge handful of anti-nausea prescriptions, one of which insurance may choose not to pay for. The steroids are on a much different regime, and the nurse was insistent that I understand when to take what. I'm almost afraid to take the scripts to the pharmacy because they look scary expensive. Guess I do that tomorrow so I can find out (a) if my insurance will pay for the patch and (b) know what I'm in for cost-wise.

The one chemo drug is also quite cardio-toxic.

If the cancer doesn't kill me, there's a very real possibility the treatment will shorten my life expectancy.

Gotta love that.

Anyway, in the next week, I have to get a new set of baseline bloods drawn, get an echo-cardiogram, and get my prescriptions filled. Then away we go....

On the upside, I'll only be in the infusion center for a couple of hours as opposed to most of the day on chemo days.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Recovery: The half-way mark

Today marks three weeks since surgery. Given that the recovery time is six weeks, that makes today the half-way mark. The next three weeks will be spent healing internally, I guess, since the external healing apparently seems to be finished.

Two days ago, I still felt some soreness and weakness and some slight restriction in range of motion. I avoided, for instance, using my arms and shoulders to get up off the couch and would think twice before reaching for or lifting something (such as a 2 litre bottle of soda water), and would whinge when reaching and lifting. My sternum and ribs were tender.

Yesterday, I was expanded for the first time, and suddenly the vast majority of all discomfort disappeared. In fact, I have more range of motion than I did before. I can put one arm over my shoulder reaching toward my waist and the other reaching up my back, and they touch. I'm not able to grasp my hands like I was pre-surgery, but my fingertips touch. I'm satisfied.

I don't have a lot of strength, but I can function independently for the most part. I am driving without issue, I can get the drawers open on my own as well as the closet doors. I can fold laundry (shhh....don't tell my family), and I just proved that I can put on shirts over my head without discomfort. I pulled on my boots today without thinking about it. Two days ago, I had to make sure they were totally unzipped, sit down, and put them on like shoes. Today, I stood at the door and pulled them on.

Other activities requiring muscle use are still uncomfortable, such as cutting/chopping. I can slice. I can cut celery sticks or slice cheese, but I wouldn't want to chop all the veggies for veggie soup. I can't quite use the apple slicer, and I can feel the pull/twinges when cutting oranges. So, I don't do that. In sum, I can move nearly normally, I just can't accomplish a whole lot. But that's ok, because I've been working hard to avoid working hard and make my boyz work harder. Laundry is out, beyond putting things, item by item into the Wonder Washer. However, since my husband is anal about removing items and drying them and I only am responsible for my own clothing, for the most part, this works well.

In general, then, I feel really good. I tire easily, but I don't feel "fatigued" like I did with chemo. By Monday, I'd be in great shape for going back to work, were I going back to work.

And that's the kicker. I'm on medical leave this semester. I dragged my butt through last semester and chemo--the whole loooooooong semester--knowing as a reward, I'd really only have to deal with radiation--and maybe some reconstruction--this semester. I used the carrot of "eight months feeling relatively well" to get through last semester. Instead, I get to do four more rounds of chemo starting later this month. Depending on the protocol, that could be anywhere from 8-12 weeks. That's like a kick in the gut. I didn't tolerate the last few rounds of chemo so well the last time. I'd rather have surgery again, any day.

In sum, I feel great after surgery. I can do this with my tissue expanders. It's been a much smoother recovery than I'd anticipated. I'm trying to not spiral into a depression at the upcoming chemo. Instead, I'm just trying to remain angry. Anger is much better than depression. I'd rather be depressed when I'm in the midst of chemo-smackdown.

Here's what I feel about silver linings right now.

Here's what I feel about surgery and my new, temporary (and ever changing) yayas.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Adolescence Redux

Well, not quite adolescence, but I didn't know what else to say. But my body is changing each day:)


I went to see the plastic surgeon today. She said everything looks awesome, healing looks wonderful, my range of motion is superb, and then she said, "so, let's expand you." When I saw her a few days after surgery, she was talking about starting the expansions at my NEXT appointment, so that took me a little by surprise. However, due to starting chemo again in 3 weeks and the fact they don't expand during chemo treatments (or only at the end of each cycle when blood counts are the highest), she wants to get as much expansion done before as possible.


The act of expansion is kind of creepy. There's this hard balloon thing in there. It's certainly a lot harder than a balloon. It's more like softish tupperware. The port is magnetic so they use this stud finder kind of thing to locate it. Let's be blunt here: although I appreciate my ports (and I now have three), the concept of them squicks me out. Needles used to access ports are (a) LONG and (b) LARGE. It doesn't hurt, but it's not a sensation I appreciate.


Oddly enough, I'm mostly numb where my expander ports are, but I still feel this odd sensation. Who knows what lone nerve is functioning there. For my chemo port (aka Portia), I slather on emla cream so I feel only the pressure of the needle.


I had no discomfort today. In fact, while she was expanding me (that, too, sounds odd), on the right side, I couldn't feel anything. Nothing felt different. So, we went for a second syringe of saline. Still, I felt nothing. Did the same on the left side and it felt like the heaviness that accompanies bronchitis. But I got over it. Let's just get this done. I have to be expanded about 30% or maybe a little more than my goal. At this rate, we'll be done before I start chemo.


Oh, and I can take baths now, too, which I'm going to do as soon as the teenage boys leave my domicile and head to school.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Year Resolution #3

Take more baths.

Progress....hoping to get clearance for a bath from doctor on Tuesday.

Progress on Resolutions #1 and #2: none on culling pajamas; day 3 in pajamas (I even wore them when I took my walk yesterday)

Just for the record...(pt. 2)

Surgery has been easier than chemo in many, many ways. Overall, I feel better, and after the first few days, the pain in my legs and feet from the taxotere is worse than the pain from the surgery. Yes, I haven't used pain meds for the surgery pain for over a week, but I still need them nightly for the residual taxotere-induced pains in my legs and hips.

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year Resolutions #1and #2

#1 Cull pajama stash
#2 Spend more time in pajamas

Progress....thoughts about the culling process; pajamas worn all day today:)