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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Why I might no longer be finding stuff so funny... general, I think my family is falling apart.

2 yrs ago this month, my mother suddenly died.
18 months ago, my father-in-law died.
1 year ago, we put a bid in on this house.
Almost immediately after that, my husband's position at the university was eliminated.
He was forced to "bump" another employee, ultimately taking a job he was totally unsuited for.
My husband then tore a ligament in his "good" ankle.
He was forced to go on medical leave.
Our insurance refused to pay their share of his physical therapy.
We had to fight that.
We moved house.
One week later, I went out of town for work for a little over a week.
A week after I returned home, we started three week ends of soccer tournaments.
Squeezed in there, a wonderful visit with out of town company for a week.
I was diagnosed with cancer.
Tynan broke an ankle.
I started chemo.
We enrolled the kids in school full time, one of them the night before school started.
I started working full time while doing chemo.
We discover that BGHS is not a suitable place for the one child going there full time, but that there is probably NOT a better option for us in the area, plus he's not going to leave happily. So, for now, he's there.
Mess around trying to get a 504 plan in place, which happens easily. Getting it enforced, another story.
My husband got wind he was going to be fired, so went on medical leave.
My husband couldn't find a job.
My husband's position at the university was eliminated, again.
He found a job, which is tenuous at best, and earns significantly less than before with no retirement.
Total slap in the face come-to-Jesus understanding of age discrimination.
Upheaval on all levels at BGSU...especially regarding job security, which then leads to worries about kids' futures since job security *is* their college savings plan.
I find out I have to have even more chemo.
One child fails one class in high school and nearly fails another. May not be eligible for sports next year.
One kid almost blows his hand off and was lucky to NOT be turned in to homeland security for his foolishness.
One kid gets injured in soccer and spends 6 weeks on crutches and in physical therapy. May never play his position again.
A week after those two incidents (they happened less than a week apart), I have a bilateral mastectomy.
One of my kids gets arrested.
I start intermediate reconstruction.
We deal with legal issues in conjunction to the silly arrest for foolish, yet not harmful, behavior.
I start a new chemo regime, which is much harder than the last regime.
I want to exercise, but am told I can't until my compression sleeves come in. It is taking forever. I have to go to two different OT's to get it managed.
My arm swells off and on. Will this be something I deal with forever? Will it get worse?
I start to plan for radiation, which is more frightening than chemo....if something goes wrong with radiation, you die. It can't be fixed.
I wonder if the radiation will make the lymphedema worse than it is.
I even stress about the color of my lymphedema sleeves.

This is why I watch trash tv 24/7.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

Is it any wonder all of my kids are falling apart?

This must end, and it must end soon.


Pancake Goddess said...

I heard a lama once give an explanation I'd never heard for why good people can have lives with such ongoing suffering. He said, ok, we are reborn into samsara until we get it right and achieve complete awakening, right? So, some people are just so close, so spiritually progressed, that all the last remnants of karmic debt get crammed into this last life. It's like when you're about to leave the country and all the debt collectors come knocking before you go.

I have no idea if I buy that, but I still like it.

I wonder if our kids' spring breaks happen to be the same?

herself said...


grilledcheesegoddess said...

Amy, my kids are on break April 1-11th in the public schools. Nathan will still have uni classes. Poor kids who do the Post Secondary programs don't get any spring break. The university's is the second week of March.

Kelly KH said...

I just want to tell you that I adore you, and this all sucks total ass, and I know it will get better. Because you are DHS and you fucking rock. So there.