I'm doing a happy sway today. Louis goes to his new job. Went. Whatever. He's "at work" right now for the first time in months. All day. Gone. Out of the house. Doing something he's good at. Where people should appreciate him. Where he should get kudos for being competent. Away from me. In fact, for the first time in a loooooooooong time, I'm actually home alone. Of course, Nathan will be home from class soon and ruin that, but nonetheless, I'm home alone, and I'm going to make a rule that Nate has to stay on campus between his morning classes so I have more time home alone.
I'm not doing a full blown happy dance, though, because it appears there's chaos and upheaval with his new employer, and I'm waiting for the next round of bad news. Plus, he's making 1/2 of his previous salary. One-half of not enough is significantly less than enough. Since March, when the university first cut his original position, we've been on pins and needles. When he was working, every day I dreaded his return, waiting to hear that he'd lost his job. It finally happened in a way we didn't expect, and now I'm back to living in fear that he'll lose his job. In a way, he's in a worse position, since he's earning less and now won't have the time in necessary to collect unemployment.
But, he's working. He's not at home. We aren't together.
Don't get me wrong. I love him. If I didn't, I'm not sure we'd have survived allllll the time he's been home since May or June, certainly not the last couple of months since I've been home full time. Yet, our relationship has focused on what I've called "tag team parenting" until this past year. That means, I was home during the day (mostly) and teaching in the late afternoon/evenings, and he was home evenings. That worked well for us. 24/7 has been an adjustment, and I'm done adjusting.
Old dogs, new tricks. All that.
Neither here nor there right now, though. He's at work. I'm at home. R-O-L-A-I-D-S....erm....R-E-L-I-E-F (sorry, my 5th grade teacher also wasn't amused when "relief" was one of our spelling words and the entire class wrote "Rolaids." If you don't understand that reference, you are simply too young.)
However, now I'm flummoxed. Louie first "came home" in September on Family Medical Leave. And he took over a lot of the day-to-day duties that I was finding difficult to juggle between working full time and chemo/cancer. This is why we could use at least one other parent right now. I'm not working this semester, but I still have all those appointments, and this time around, they are more frequent.
I realized as I was going over the schedule last night, that I have an appointment with an Occupational Therapist at precisely the time that I need to take the boys to get allergy shots this week. Even if I didn't have to be at St. V's Hospital at the same time they need to be at Wood County Hospital, I try to avoid waiting rooms during chemo, and the allergist shares space with someone who specializes in respiratory ailments. Call me crazy, but that room must be a cesspool of germs. Not to mention all the kids who tramp through to get shots. Kids are cesspool swimmers. The office staff won't let me drop them off and wait in the car, though, as the kids are minors. I see their point and understand protocol and the law, but it's also not like I've ever been consulted when they've had to treat the kids for reactions. In a mere 10 months, Nathan will be 18 and I could then send them in with him (and the appropriate paperwork). It's not like he'll be getting that much more mature in 10 months, especially since I swear his maturity is devolving at this point.
If there were three parents, chances are one of us could manage to get the kids' allergy shots this week.
Basically, what I need is a stay-at-home mom who is more up to the day-to-day challenges of tending to a family than I am. It's not just the 5 medical appointments I have this week, plus children's activities, housework, etc. This is not a new need of mine. I also don't enjoy the "home" part of tending hearth and home. For years I've wanted a "wife."
Watching Big Love has just reinforced this desire. I can share my man. I might even appreciate him more if he shared time with someone else. I'd have to be "first wife" because I do like to be in control, no questions about that. But otherwise, I'd be perfectly satisfied to have sister-wives and I think my kids would be better off.
At least they'd be getting allergy shots regularly. As it stand, once again, I'll be known as "that" mom who doesn't take her kids to get shots....