The meaning of "must" there works either way: (1) why it is imperative that chemo end tomorrow as well as (2) why there is some sort of indicator that tomorrow is the last chemo.
Today, I actually said, "This is my favorite episode of Trading Spouses" and then I saved it on the DVR.
Yes, that means I've seen the episode more than once. And, yes, I'll probably watch it again.
The only justification I have for this is that these four rounds of chemo have really wiped me out. In fact, I hit nadir at just about the time I do another round, which means I really have no "good days." I do have days I'm not nauseous, but I otherwise feel like limp celery. I nap daily and get physically tired grocery shopping. I'm so looking forward to having some energy. When I have energy, I can actually care about things. We've all heard the saying "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." I don't at all subscribe to that adage. In fact, I think it is pretty stupid. Some stuff deserves sweat. But for the last 6 weeks, I've pretty much been unable to sweat even the large stuff.
I've said, and I do believe, that if my kids survive this year without being too damaged, it will be a successful year. But "things" have certainly gone by the wayside, especially lately. I don't know the last time Tynan was read to. He rarely reads any more. It's been forever since I've challenged Nathan with academics. I've not even spoken to Aidan's physical therapist. Just about all family routine has ceased. Household routine is non-existent.
So, yes indeedy, it's time for chemo to end. I've heard of people who've done chemo and not let it interfere with their lives, but I'm just not capable of doing that, to the detriment of my family life, that's for sure.
And, yes, I've found a favorite episode of Trading Spouses.
For this reason alone, tomorrow must be my last chemo.