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Thursday, March 4, 2010

Why tomorrow must be my last chemo

The meaning of "must" there works either way: (1) why it is imperative that chemo end tomorrow as well as (2) why there is some sort of indicator that tomorrow is the last chemo.


Today, I actually said, "This is my favorite episode of Trading Spouses" and then I saved it on the DVR.

Yes, that means I've seen the episode more than once. And, yes, I'll probably watch it again.

The only justification I have for this is that these four rounds of chemo have really wiped me out. In fact, I hit nadir at just about the time I do another round, which means I really have no "good days." I do have days I'm not nauseous, but I otherwise feel like limp celery. I nap daily and get physically tired grocery shopping. I'm so looking forward to having some energy. When I have energy, I can actually care about things. We've all heard the saying "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." I don't at all subscribe to that adage. In fact, I think it is pretty stupid. Some stuff deserves sweat. But for the last 6 weeks, I've pretty much been unable to sweat even the large stuff.

I've said, and I do believe, that if my kids survive this year without being too damaged, it will be a successful year. But "things" have certainly gone by the wayside, especially lately. I don't know the last time Tynan was read to. He rarely reads any more. It's been forever since I've challenged Nathan with academics. I've not even spoken to Aidan's physical therapist. Just about all family routine has ceased. Household routine is non-existent.

So, yes indeedy, it's time for chemo to end. I've heard of people who've done chemo and not let it interfere with their lives, but I'm just not capable of doing that, to the detriment of my family life, that's for sure.

And, yes, I've found a favorite episode of Trading Spouses.

For this reason alone, tomorrow must be my last chemo.

It. Must.

5 comments:

grilledcheesegoddess said...

And I did think of a few "family routines"
1) We all wake up in the morning
2) The big boys are usually in bed by 11 pm
3) Most of us bathe daily
4) Every night I remind people whose night it is to clean up after dinner, and every night, Louis cleans up, regardless.
5) The recycling receptical goes on the left side of the driveway and the garbage on the right
6) Every morning, someone can't find something he needs to take with him when he leaves, even though every night I remind them to pack their bookbags and gather their stuff.
7) No matter how much food or what food is in the house, "there's never anything to eat."
8) Nearly every Friday and Saturday, extra boys sleep here. Sometimes just one. Sometimes many more. I seem incapable of saying "no."
9) Someone always says something crude and inappropriate at the dinner table. It always makes us laugh. It is not always said by a child. Adults are just as bad here. Ricky Bobby has nothing on us.
10) We have this great routine of being incapable of having all three children attend school for a full week on any given week. As a family, we must have the most absences of anyone in the school district.

Pancake Goddess said...

lol, #10 is so us. Um, also 1,3,7,8 and 9. But I really love knowing I'm not the only one with #10.

grilledcheesegoddess said...

Regarding #10...I think because Nathan is only at the highschool very part time, they really don't care, because he's certainly in violation ot the NCLBA attendance policy, yet they never send notes home like we get for Tynan. Earlier this year, I sent an email to the high school principal and the (then) teacher of the one class Nathan was enrolled in, explaining that since I was ill and my husband was injured (and thus incapable of driving, especially with lots of stop and go traffic like in Toledo) at times I had to rely on Nathan to drive me to appointments or to pick me up at school. I didn't know that the principal's father had died from cancer (I guess when he was young). So nathan got virtually a free pass on attendance, probably because the "money skills" class he was in was so easy and below his abilities (he'd already done international finace stuff via Singapore). Then this semester, he's taking Civil and Criminal Law. It's an easy pass, but I guess a lot of kids get Cs and find it challenging. OTOH, Nathan says it's front loaded with kids who need credits to graduate and Nathan has covered a lot of this material as well. He has yet to attend a full week of class. They do these projects, some group, some individual, and he always finishes them fast and accurately. So, his teacher said to him last week, "You only come to class when you feel like it, don't you?" to whic Nathan replied, "Erm...yes." And the teacher said, "Well, it's working for you, you have the highest grade in the class and one of the highest percentages I've ever given. Keep up the good work."

fairytail3982 said...

Well don't keep us wondering! Which is your favorite episode??

grilledcheesegoddess said...

The one with the raw meat diet people